exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
