I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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