Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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