Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
