Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
