12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
