Texts From Last Night

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  (515): View more from Iowa

  so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.

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  (515): so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker. http://tfl.nu/m4up
  Replies (9) Good night (3998) Bad night (596)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  please come you make the beer taste better

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  (520): please come you make the beer taste better http://tfl.nu/dzlt
  Replies (16) Good night (4798) Bad night (645)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap

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  (845): Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap http://tfl.nu/797p
  Replies (19) Good night (803) Bad night (3861)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  im bored tell me something entertaining

  (206): View more from Washington

  You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.

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  (425): im bored tell me something entertaining (206): You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam. http://tfl.nu/m0ao
  Replies (48) Good night (1598) Bad night (9768)
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  (951): View more from California

  So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.

  (909): View more from California

  dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?

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  (951): So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito. (909): dude... how have they not drug tested you yet? http://tfl.nu/fx38
  Replies (43) Good night (6994) Bad night (1032)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.

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  (941): My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways. http://tfl.nu/nnm9
  Replies (19) Good night (6402) Bad night (1207)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school

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  (217): I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school http://tfl.nu/0e3h
  Replies (10) Good night (4421) Bad night (1021)
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  (+64): View more from New Zealand

  Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome

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  (+64): Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome http://tfl.nu/lxnn
  Replies (7) Good night (2809) Bad night (1318)
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  (415): View more from California

  He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.

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  (415): He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her. http://tfl.nu/kc95
  Replies (16) Good night (4228) Bad night (1757)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.

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  (250): Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed. http://tfl.nu/6hpj
  Replies (1) Good night (755) Bad night (2462)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.

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  (605): We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone. http://tfl.nu/46r1
  Replies (5) Good night (2693) Bad night (668)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?

  (1-623): View more from Arizona

  You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.

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  (623): How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you? (1-623): You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror. http://tfl.nu/pl6g
  Replies (10) Good night (930) Bad night (1619)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.

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  (307): Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse. http://tfl.nu/w9b1
  Replies (2) Good night (1652) Bad night (496)
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  (478): View more from Georgia

  I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."

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  (478): I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions." http://tfl.nu/mmu9
  Replies (4) Good night (710) Bad night (338)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.

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  (402): Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that. http://tfl.nu/5bb0
  Replies (1) Good night (568) Bad night (233)

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