Texts From Last Night

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  (804): View more from Virginia

  It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand

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  (804): It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand http://tfl.nu/mvz9
  Replies (2) Good night (852) Bad night (2406)
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  (650): View more from California

  I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.

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  (650): I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world. http://tfl.nu/egr4
  Replies (31) Good night (6259) Bad night (2114)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.

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  (413): I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3. http://tfl.nu/k38v
  Replies (38) Good night (15017) Bad night (1580)
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  (760): View more from California

  searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this

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  (760): searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this http://tfl.nu/chn0
  Replies (10) Good night (3159) Bad night (1428)
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  (925): View more from California

  Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?

  (1-925): View more from California

  Come on man nobody wants to admit that

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  (925): Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night? (1-925): Come on man nobody wants to admit that http://tfl.nu/8oz0
  Replies (7) Good night (3066) Bad night (813)
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  (518): View more from New York

  Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer

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  (518): Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer http://tfl.nu/1maf
  Replies (1) Good night (1220) Bad night (549)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"

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  (781): I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions" http://tfl.nu/b7d2
  Replies (7) Good night (2492) Bad night (650)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.

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  (905): you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed. http://tfl.nu/nsl5
  Replies (14) Good night (3844) Bad night (714)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.

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  (701): Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more. http://tfl.nu/i6gm
  Replies (7) Good night (1337) Bad night (599)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.

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  (618): Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me. http://tfl.nu/97jo
  Replies (5) Good night (1830) Bad night (480)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I just don't do feelings in the summer months.

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  (917): I just don't do feelings in the summer months. http://tfl.nu/zjg3
  Replies (7) Good night (1602) Bad night (571)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  I just blew my weed a kiss

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  (828): I just blew my weed a kiss http://tfl.nu/vers
  Replies (6) Good night (1079) Bad night (461)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die

  (1-616): View more from Michigan

  that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida

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  (616): dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die (1-616): that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida http://tfl.nu/3jsk
  Replies (6) Good night (1305) Bad night (604)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.

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  (864): There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me. http://tfl.nu/gyap
  Replies (5) Good night (527) Bad night (272)
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  (818): View more from California

  the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.

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  (818): the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after. http://tfl.nu/qgkf
  Replies (4) Good night (348) Bad night (548)

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