My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination