Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(970): View more from Colorado

He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster

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(732): View more from New Jersey

no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck

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(973): View more from New Jersey

I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.

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(360): View more from Washington

It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(303): View more from Colorado

She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.

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(816): View more from Missouri

I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.

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(706): View more from Georgia

Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.

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(630): View more from Illinois

Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.

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(518): View more from New York

I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober

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