I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?