I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
