he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
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I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
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Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?