Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
