Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.