I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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