he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
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We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
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I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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