I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
