What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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