i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
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