I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
