How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
