Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
