I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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