My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
