How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
