Plan B is the new Plan A
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
