I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Plan B is the new Plan A
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
