haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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