He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
