you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
How's work?
Spinning.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
