I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.