Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero