weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*