i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left