Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
