Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
