I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
