So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
