spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
