We should be called the Road Head Warriors
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
