I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Boobs speak an international language.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Randomize