Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
