EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
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I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
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I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
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