life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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