So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
