is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
