Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
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In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize