I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize