Cold hands, warm shart.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
