he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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