dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
