I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
