I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
