I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
