Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
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Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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