I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
