ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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