I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
