So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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