It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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