Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
