I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
