i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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