Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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