So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
