so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
