She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
